Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
