That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
