I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
