I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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