Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
