I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
