I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
