So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
