i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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