The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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