DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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