You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
