At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
