Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
