youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
