Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
