they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
