In the future we'll all be gay
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
