Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize