I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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