before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
