from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
