her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
