I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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