OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
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