i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
