I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
