saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
