I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize