9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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