Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
