Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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