I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
