is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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