First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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