I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
