remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish you could order shots online.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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