they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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