you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
