What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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