So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
