You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
