i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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