i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
