Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
