her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
