I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
