you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
