You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
