the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
