I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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