she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
They have beer where we have blood.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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