I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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