the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
