how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Someone came in the potted fern
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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