I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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