I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
