Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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