I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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