im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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