return my video game
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
