Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
