So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
