Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
