Pappa wants mamma naked
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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