That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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