They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
