My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
