Hey man sorry I got all grabby
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
