Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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