I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
